Nausea. My stomach churned and twisted as I sat down in this timeworn car; my things covering the cloth seating, all tied up in forgotten carrier bags with a couple of enfeebled clothes chucked in there. My heart ached to go home, but my mind longing to go to this unknown place. Scenery changed briskly, the unfamiliar place scaring me, bringing excitement at the same time. Mum lingered in my mind, along with many more but she stuck there, vividly. I could hear my social worker mumbling to herself, telling me this would “all be okay”. It didn’t feel okay, but it didn’t feel bad either. Palms of my hands filled with sweat; my mouth as dry as a desert. Clinging on to my phone, as that was really the only thing that had stuck with me through all of this.

Pulling onto the drive, my heart skipped a beat. Was this really real? I pinched myself, once, twice, third time for good look. Getting out of this deep-rooted car, I picked my long forgotten things off the dishevelled floor. I bit my lip for comfort, biting too hard the warm fluid filled my mouth. Standing there, waiting for another person to walk into my life; this time I prayed it doesn’t end in heart break. The door opened, slowly. Looking upwards, a woman beckoned  us in; her black, straight hair covered her face. She looked like a very homely person; loving and caring. I guess all Foster Carers are caring, some maybe more than others. Entering her home, I felt a comfortable feeling take over me. Warmth entered  my icy cold hands, as she led us into the living room. This was filled with love; the blinds drawn and the tv on, kids programs of course. A little boy sat in the corner, seemed very shy, but was more engaged  in his program; a man sat next to him, smiling at me as I sat closest to the edge of the sofa, scared to move. This isn’t like me at all. It was like a hole new world. Different people, different place, different life. Everybody was speaking, I couldn’t hear what was being said as other thoughts wizzed around my mind. The woman let two dogs out, who ran out excitedly like  little kids on Christmas day. They both came and sniffed me, and excepted me into there family. One of the pooches sat upon my foot; covered in black spots, with a white finish coated on top. The other one; fat, but sat on her owner obediently as she watched over me, sniffing the air like a bunny rabbit. It was sort of new to me; the only dog I had ever seen was my grandads, a golden retriever; yes, living up to the name golden as the sun, glowing as he shook his majestic fur. Plus, my mum wasn’t so much as a dog person, the only thing she cared about was cats. Everywhere.

After their talk about me; which went on for  days, the woman took me up to my room. I admired how clean their house was, fresh wallpaper covering the stairs, with my feet lightly pressing on the delicate carpet. With Mum everything was so different; all had to be in order, not one thing out of place or nothing was right. After going up their stupendous stair case, I was led to my room. Amazed wasn’t even the word to describe it when we walked in. My room at mums, everything was just everywhere; the curtains being tied to a teddy on top of the wardrobe with nails in the wall, the smell of dampness filling the air, clothes and bedding scattered over the place with piles of homework. And here? It was nothing of the sort; two beds, lying vertical greeting me inwards, along with a roseate rug under these twin beds, and a whole carpet to fill the rest of the place. A creamy while wardrobe, specially placed there filling the gap, along side with loads of draws: two small top ones, along with 4 big ones following them down. I couldn’t help but smile as I saw the big tv on top of the cabinet. At Mums mine was a petite thing which I had for years, the only thing we could afford. Even though it wasn’t much, it was something. A home. Three lovely people, and I guess my life back. As they both murmured onto each other, I prayed that something good would come out of this. That everything would finally be okay.

I knew it would take time, but it hopefully would work out, and that maybe, today would be the day I found where my happiness is…


A writer with a genuine love of words and a flair for conjuring up images and feelings. This story built beautifully to a hopeful and uplifting finish... I'd have happily read more. I was hooked!

Cathy Cassidy